There are countless moments during my average day at NKHS where I contemplate the need to create a new hashtag on Twitter- #BLP, or Bottom Locker Problems. The struggle, while it might not be anticipated daily or understood by some of NK’s taller students, is entirely real.

Allow me to be completely clear- I am in no way trying to offend, depress, or lash out at the giants who can manage to successfully open their top lockers- in fact I’ll have them to thank if my hashtag begins trending. But I would like to mention that, normally, Dunkin coffees are better when they’re in your hand, not on my head.  The same goes for math textbooks. Pre-Calc is tough enough as it is. Chances are, your not-so-lightweight Stat book bonking me upside the head probably won’t help me concentrate in fifth period. We all have heard about the dangers of concussions and brain damage- at the rate I’m going, I’ll be seeing a doctor for brain trauma in no time.

The hardest part of having to deal with BLP on the daily isn’t just having coffee, staplers, textbooks, backpacks, small children, or science projects dropped on my head, being tripped over, or spending far more time on the floor than anyone would like to….it’s trying to figure out how to react to the consistent abuse.

Of course, the words which come to mind when I’m face-to-face with your barrage of Vera Bradley aren’t at all appropriate for the general public….or, for that matter, the hallways. And it’s unbearably awkward to pop out from inside my locker and be ready for fisticuffs only to find out it’s the super-sweet shy kid with the locker above me who just impaled my spine on accident. How am I supposed to adequately get angry at you when you’re actually not a jerk?

These days, as a senior, I’ve gotten used to kneeling in wet coffee or Jitters Pomegranate Tea in between classes. I understand that just because you slop your iced Dunkin’ all over me or whack me in the face with your messenger bag doesn’t mean you hate me. And I’ve learned that the best way to get through the hallways is to be confident and speedy- get in, get out, and get to your next class before the ambush starts.

But what happens when despite this knowledge, you still find yourself faced with something weird dropping down on you?

I’d say that, in a practical sense, you should treat the hallways as a constant construction scene. Wearing overalls and a hard hat will probably minimize you stressing over your outfit if something does spill on it, and the hat’s both protective and stylish.

And remember, our guidance counselors are always around to help you cope with any PTSD or Trauma.

But if you don’t want to come to NK every morning dressed like Bob the Builder, here’s a solution for you.

I’d suggest talking to your fellow locker-mates and coming to terms with a few things. Perhaps agreeing on what’s okay to drop on the kids in the trenches and what just isn’t would do the trick. I’d place anything other than the occasional stuffed animal in the second category; if anything else falls, it’s the responsibility of the Top Locker Student to agree to a swift tasering.

And on the off chance (and trust me, this really has happened to me) someone in your locker block has a birthday, stuffing their locker full of Ping-Pong balls or anything like that is just plain unacceptable.

For the taller folk with top lockers, birthdays, Valentine’s Day, Greek Independence Day, and Christmas are definitely a celebration- who doesn’t love glittery flowers and candy canes in their locker? But for the bottom locker kids, it’s hell in a bottle- do you know how hard glitter is to extract from clothing? I don’t hate streamers, however, but if they tangle around my wedges in the morning…someone is going to pay after I pick myself up off the floor.

To anyone out there who has BLP along with me, I’d encourage you to use the tag on social media when you can- and follow me, it’ll help my ratio. But from a more practical standpoint, if you have to, don’t be afraid to ask for a switch if it becomes necessary. You can move up in the world, don’t ever let anybody discourage you. NK is full of opportunities if you’re tall optimistic and know how to get what you want.

Unless, of course, you’ve been here for four years and haven’t been tall enough to reach anything but a bottom locker…. #BLP